Robert de Niro in 'Taxi Driver'
Well-written dialogue rarely attracts much attention. Probably because it works like the right-sized hand fitting the right-sized glove. By contrast, mediocre dialogue stands out and draws unfavourable attention. It may bore, irritate or even create doubt for readers. It is essential, therefore, for fiction authors, to be able to write effective and powerful dialogue.
This article is not meant to cover everything you ever wanted to know about writing great dialogue. Rather, I am zeroing in on the issues that crop up frequently in the manuscripts I edit.
My objective is to help you recognize and dig these flaws out of your own writing prior to having your manuscript professionally edited.
A Lloyd Moss Dialogue Checklist
1. CHECK: the balance between description and dialogue in each chapter and throughout your manuscript. A balance does not mean 50/50; it is whatever is most appropriate depending on the genre and how the dramatic action plays out. For example, a love story novel will require a different balance to an action thriller.
Achieving a balance is also important for how your short story, novel or memoir appears on the page. Having sufficient white space ensures your book is appealing, more accessible and easy on the eye for readers.
A manuscript is not well balanced when a chapter contains 15 to 20 pages of descriptive prose without the light relief afforded by passages of dialogue. Naturally, the reverse also applies. Bring the text back into balance by means of techniques such as:
a. Cutting out selected description and back story.
b. Inserting passages of dialogue from other scenes.
c. Converting some descriptions into dialogue.
2. CHECK: that your dialogue leans towards informality which is how people actually speak. We mostly use contractions, we don’t say, ‘I am going to the shops,’ rather we say, ‘I’m off to the shops.’ One exception is when a character is written intentionally as disagreeable or dogmatic, “I am not inviting her to the wedding.’
3. CHECK: whether there are too many words, phrases and sentences in the dialogue. Often, one sentence follows another sentence but is saying the same thing. Take it out or combine the two sentences into one. Often, I find unnecessary words and phrases at the beginning of the sentence and at the end. Less words results in clearer meanings and better writing flow which are obviously beneficial for your readers’ experience.
4. CHECK: you are fleshing out your main characters by writing short action beats in selected dialogue scenes. Not in every piece of dialogue! Action beats are various contextual elements such as the setting, the character’s facial expressions and body language, what they are wearing. Don’t forget to draw on the senses of sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch when writing action beats. These snippets of content woven into dialogue passages are surprisingly powerful in developing vivid characters and a credible story.
5. CHECK: your characters each have their own distinctive voices and mannerisms. For example, if a major character has a quirk of blinking several times whenever she feels out of her depth, check that your other characters are not constantly blinking too. It may sound unimportant, but it is a serious flaw that can disturb your readers’ ‘willing suspension of disbelief,’ allowing shafts of doubt to enter their minds. Once the illusion is broken, we’ve lost them.
6. CHECK: whether the dialogue suits the personality and background of your various characters. Is their mode of speaking consistent across the manuscript? When writing each character’s dialogue, we have to keep our wits sharp, and continually ask, ‘Is this what he or she would say in this situation?’ For example, a vicious tough guy in one scene is not going to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in the next scene.
7. CHECK: that you haven't ‘over-egged the pudding’ of your character’s expressions and mannerisms, a light sprinkle will suffice. For example, if a character is smiling or frowning all the time as he/she talks, readers become frustrated and distracted, and may even stop reading.
8. CHECK: your dialogue scenes are not drawn out to the point of exhaustion. In this regard, dialogue between the characters in a book is different to real-life conversations. In the latter, our conversations can extend for lengthy periods and circle back many times over the same points. In a work of fiction, our readers work out what’s happening quickly; one circle back is about the limit for them. They will be ready for the story to move on.
9. CHECK: that eighty percent of the time, you choose the standard speech tags of ‘said’ and ‘replied. Don’t wrack your brain and waste time thinking up something memorable and exotic for the speech tags in your dialogue. Regard speech tags as shy wallflowers who don’t seek the limelight.
Speech tags are not meant to be read for meaning – their main purpose is for the reader to know who is speaking. For variety, in the other twenty percent, choose simple active verbs such as ‘muttered,’ ‘whispered’ ‘yelled,’ which create movement and flow. Avoid words like ‘elucidated’ ‘deflected’ ‘objected’ ‘acknowledged.’ Remember the KIS principle and keep your speech tags as simple as possible.
10. CHECK: your dialogue scenes don't contain repetitive, irrelevant and trivial content that has little or no relation to the story. If the dialogue is not meaningful, and not moving the story forward, cut it back. Rewrite, going straight into the core of the conversation.
11. CHECK: you are not overusing the ellipsis dots in a character’s speech. When editing, It is not uncommon to find ellipsis dots in multiple places over two or three lines of dialogue. In real-life conversations, people do pause for a few seconds. But don’t put all those pauses into your dialogue. Sometimes, it is not the character pausing; it is the author taking a few seconds to think .... ‘What will he or she say next?’
I hope you find my dialogue checklist stimulating and helpful. As ever, I invite your input on this topic.
If you would like your manuscript, fiction or non-fiction, large or small, to be professionally assessed, edited and/or published, I'm happy to chat with you about what's involved, how the process works and, if required, provide you with a firm written quotation for services. Drop me a line HERE
Lynne Lloyd
editor and publisher
LLOYD MOSS
editing and publishing
0421 998749
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